Updated: Aug 26, 2019
During the painful process of divorce we are all so blinded by the action of divorce we sometimes forget about the results of the divorce.
On my journey to Ft. Lauderdale to visit my son and to attend a Divorce Support Group Event my mind kept travelling to the subject of defining moments, both positive and negative moments which happen in one's life. Are our future's so shaped by what happens so early in our childhood? Will the result of these moments be greatly reflected in our day to day existence as an adult? There is much research and many books written on this subject so in my mind's eye this must be true.
Looking back on my own life I can see and understand situations which may have shaped my way of thinking and now as I handle personal situations. Even the encouragement or lack of encouragement in my childhood is carried forward through my life. Fast forward to where I am now a divorced single mother, quickly approaching retirement years trying to find her way as a single dating woman.
As I sat and watched my son with all his pent up excitement of his first basketball game I thought of how important the first things in life are. How many firsts do you remember in your lifetime? Did they have an impact on your life to come? Defining moments are often unexpected but can make an everlasting impact on our lives and yes those lives around us. For what is shaped within us surfaces in our lives and certainly touches who we choose to share our lives with.
I sat there in my excitement, looking forward to sharing this wonderful basketball experience with my son, the glory of a good game played! We all know the outcome of any game is not just based on skill and teamwork but also just plain luck. However, this game took a turn it became a defining moment in my son's life.
Unfortunately a negative one for all his practice, positive energy and new basketball shoes…nothing could change the fact he was the new guy on the team and as he warmed the bench you could see his spirit end to a puddle around those shining new shoes. His hopes and dreams of playing a good game shattered. What was the Coach of eleven year olds thinking? Where there was a moment to encourage and shape those young lives, to my son it was nothing more than a disappointed moment he will never forget.
As I look at this painful moment through my son's eyes, I turn to my divorce, single parenting and those I try to help through the devastation of relationship loss. Many times during the painful process of divorce we are all so blinded by the action of divorce we sometimes forget about the results of the divorce. How these results change lives around us including our children, family and friends. If we could only for a moment think about what it is like … as young boy sitting on a basketball bench hoping for just one chance to make a difference, just to step in and make a change we would look at our life and others differently. I know I do as I shared my son's Defining Moment.
Cece Shatz, Radio/TV Talk Show Host of Going Solo with Cece Shatz